Post title

My back garden 

Today I will describe the ecosystem of my back garden, after recently venturing forth into its untamed wilderness this morning. 

Slimyboi
(Limax maximus) 

This isn't the slug I saw in my garden, but since it escaped before I could take a photo I'll have to make do with this picture I found online. 

Size: 10 - 20 cm

Diet: omnivorous 

Habitat: gardens

Colouration: brown-grey with black spots

Symmetry: bilateral

Reproduction: sexual, all hermaphrodites. Lays eggs.

The slug, also known as the common garden slug, slimyboi, or slimyboy, is an animal found in my back garden, as well as many other gardens. They have no legs but somehow they make do without, s t r e t c h i n g their bodies to r e a c h their lëaf. 

In spite of what others might say, they are indeed cute. 

They're probably embarrassed about being naked without a shell so try and be sensitive. 

Taxonomic classification

Tree: Terravitae

Domain: Eucaryota

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Mollusca

Class: Gastropoda

Order: Panpulmonata

Superfamily: Limacoidea

Family: Limacidae

Genus: Limax

Species: Limax maximus

Doggo

(Canis lupus familiaris) 

Size: Varies by breed (the particular specimen I observed is 38 cm at the shoulder (he was a shibe, I believe)) 

Diet: meat, chicken nuggers

Habitat: human houses

Colouration: varies by breed

Symmetry: bilateral

Reproduction: sexual, male and female sexes. Gives birth to live young.

This is not my dog. I don't know how he got in my back garden.  

Dogs, also known as doggos, puppers, goodbois, goodgirls, and pupperinos, are a domestic species native to Earth with a penchant for bamboozling. 

This is not my dog

Taxonomic classification

Tree: Terravitae

Domain: Eucaryota

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Cordata

Subphylum: Vertebrata

Superclass: Tetrapoda

Class: Mammalia

Infraclass: Placentalia

Order: Carnivora

Family: Canidae

Genus: Canis

Species: C. lupus

Subspecies: C. l. familiaris

I should probably contact the owner. I think he belongs to the guy next door. 

Snek

(Pantherophis guttatus)

A fancy boi

Size: l o n g 

Diet: meat, likes to m o n c h mice

Habitat: my garden apparently

Colouration: orange

Symmetry: bilateral

Reproduction: sexual, male and female sexes. Lays ëgg

This snake, also known as the nope rope or danger noodle, has somehow snuck into my back garden. This particular specimen appears to be a corn snake, which aren't native to the British Isles (where I live). How peculiar. 

The common corn snake

Taxonomic classification

Tree: Terravitae

Domain: Eucaryota

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Cordata

Subphylum: Vertebrata

Superclass: Tetrapoda

Class: Reptilia 

Order: Squamata

Suborder: Serpentes

Family: Colubridae

Genus: Pantherophis

Species: P. guttatus

An artist's impression of a snake

Birb / rainbow chicken

(Aratinga solstitialis)

Size: 30 cm

Diet: fruit, seeds, insects

Habitat: savannas and tropical forests

Colouration: orange, yellow and green

Symmetry: bilateral

Reproduction: sexual, male and female sexes. Lays ëgg

Birds, also known as birbs, flappybois, beakybois, and sky doggos, are a common sight in my back garden. They are well known for making a lot of heckin noise at 4 am in the summer and for possessing beaks. What's really cool about birds is they have hands for feet. Birds also possess feathers, and are dinosaurs. 

While I did say birbs are a common sight in my garden, this specific species, however, is not. As with the cornsnake, it shouldn't even be present in the Bristish Isles. But I'm very thankful I have come across this lovely birb. Perhaps he has snuck out of a zoo? 

It is a species of parrot called the sun parakeet, also known as the rainbow chicken or mango. How it's flown so far from home is beyond me but I'm keeping this cute little fella. 

Taxonomic classification

Tree: Terravitae

Domain: Eucaryota

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Cordata

Subphylum: Vertebrata

Superclass: Tetrapoda

Class: Reptillia

Clade: Dinosauria

Infraclass: Aves

Order: Psittaciformes

Family: Psittacidae

Genus: Aratinga

Species: A. solstitialis

This is neither a rainbow chicken nor a duck what is it doing here?

Floofygirl

(Felis silvestris catus)

Size: 40 cm long (not including tail)

Diet: grass apparently. Also plastic and paper

Habitat: human houses, boxes

Colouration: varies depending on breed; this specimen is white with tortoise shell face, ears, legs and tail. 

Symmetry: bilateral

Reproduction: sexual, male and female sexes. Gives birth to live kitties

The common house cat, also known as cats, cattos, kitters, cades, or, derisively by dogs, stonky cades or stonks, is a subspecies of cat that has domesticated itself after tricking the ancient Egyptians into worshipping them. 

This particular variety is known as the floof, floofygirl, floofygorl, or floofygurl. They are known for their floofyness. This specific specimen likes to venture into my back garden to eat grass and then puke on my carpet. 

She is very floofy due to her regular brushing sessions. She may look chonky, but she is actually underweight; that is all floof. I'm trying to get her to monch more to reach a healthier weight, and she does love to monch so it seems to be working so far. 

Taxonomic classification

Tree: Terravitae

Domain: Eucaryota

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Cordata

Subphylum: Vertebrata

Superclass: Tetrapoda

Class: Mammalia

Infraclass: Placentalia

Order: Carnivora

Family: Felidae

Genus: Felis

Species: F. silvestris

Subspecies: F. s. catus

Rhinoceros

(Rhinoceros unicornis)

Size: frigging HUGE 

Diet: grass (possibly what attracted him to my garden) 

Habitat: NOT my garden. What's he doing here? 

Colouration: grey

Symmetry: bilateral

Reproduction: sexual, male and female sexes. Gives birth to live young

Okay, I'm almost certain there was a zoo break now...

Taxonomic classification

Tree: Terravitae

Domain: Eucaryota

Kingdom: Animalia

Phylum: Cordata

Subphylum: Vertebrata

Superclass: Tetrapoda

Class: Mammalia

Infraclass: Placentalia

Clade: Ungulata (this means he has hööf)

Order: Perissodactyla

Family: Rhinocerotidae

Genus: Rhinoceros

Species: R. unicornis

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaa